0 Grade my rough draft please? if best rewrite it so that it will seem better.?

At first glance, I would use the phrase "whale population" rather than "whale's population." In the first sentence where you say "taking many of the whale’s populations to the brink of extinction," you should change it to "taking much of the whale population to the brink of extinction." I also notice you use the words "there for" several times. This should be one word: "therefore." There are a couple of other minor errors, but overall, this is a well written essay!